How A Bar's Supposed To Be
by lachesis108
Summary: Suikoden I-II-III-IV-V. What if Louise, the bar keeper on Dauntless, had this mad ambition to fill her bar with all sorts of people and make them drunk, with the help of the time-traveller Viki? Find out in this one-shot! Warning: OOC


**Author's Note: Hi, everybody! This is my first fic ever, so please go easy on me. This fic is meant to be funny, I hope you can enjoy it. Well, I don't know what else to say, so here goes!**

"This is not right," thought Louise to herself. She's granted a spacious room and yet it's disappointingly not crowded with many people, let alone stop to enjoy a drink at her bar. The only ones who come to her bar routinely are Ornan, that strange guy whom Louise think is in love with her; Gunter and his victims at his dice games; and those loud pirates, especially Dario. "I deserve more than this!"

So Louise come to Viki and persuade the clueless girl to help her. She travels through time and space, dragging whoever stands in front of her.

Meanwhile, Lazlo's party just got back from their journey recruiting more victims to fill the roster, since for some reason there won't be a single person in this archipelago that will go on with the war, no, not the Kooluk nor Lazlo Army, no one will make a move until Lazlo get in the War Room and talk to Eleanor. Even Eleanor won't budge.

Lazlo, Ted, Trishtan, and Mitsuba come inside the fateful spacious room to sit back and take it easy.

Lazlo: Huh? Where's Louise? I need to tell her that I want to change my party, though I never get it why I should report to her instead of inviting the members I want in person while they are always at the same place, doing the same thing, and say the same sentence except in special events anyway.

Ted: Not quite true, what with Louise not in her usual spot, and you spouting complete nonsense.

Trishtan: COUGH COUGH where is Doctor Yu, I need my medicine COUGH COUGH

Mitsuba: Hahaha, relax! You don't need one! Look at me. Whenever I catch an illness, I just need Reinhold to massage my back a little and I'm good! Here, let me give you a massage! *obviously beating Trishtan's back with full force, or maybe her power is originally a match for gorilla's*

Trishtan: GREATCOUGH! *faints*

Mitsuba: Sleeping already? I'm that good, huh?

Shwiiish! Suddenly out of nowhere, a teenage brunette in green robe appears.

Luc: W-what? Why-where am-? I was in the middle of teasing...oh, there you are Ted!

Ted: Huh? Huh? Who are you? Callin' me?

Luc: True Wind Rune... *summons a golem which doesn't waste any second before rushing towards Ted, destroying anything in its way*

Ted: GYAAAAAA! WHY ME? *run away*

Mitsuba: Wow! Lazlo, you think he's a Kooluk?

Lazlo: I don't think so. He's only targeting Ted.

Ted: STOP THE IDLE CHATTER AND HELP ME!

Golem: *throwing its fist flying here and there without mercy*

Reinbach: UUUURGH... *starts to puke, but what comes out of his mouth is thorny bushes of roses which suits his image perfectly, of course to everyone's surprise*

Miki: Young Master! He becomes more seasick because that golem makes the shaking worse! Someone, please stop that golem!

Rene: He pukes out ROSES? What exactly does he eat? Flower vases? *sweatdrop*

Rita: It's amazing that he even still has his tongue whole after puking all those thorns...

Noah: I thiiink I see some blood mixed with the bushes...

Ted: I SAID STOP THE FREAGGIN' IDLE CHATTER AND... *one of the golem's fists ruined the arrow bag on Ted's back and wasted all the arrows, nearly wasted Ted himself instead* GYAAAAAA!

People who come because of the commotion: What's going on here? What's going on here? *murmur murmur*

It doesn't take long before the room is crowded with people who just came in the regular way, as well as those who just pop up out of nowhere like Luc earlier, and all seem completely clueless as to what's going on. Following closely behind, Louise teleports back along with Viki. Viki looks exhausted and sleepy, while Louise looks happy with the crowd in front of her. She nods in satisfaction.

Viki: That was a lot of work... ZZZZZZZZZ... * falls asleep, still standing*

Louise: Now, time for the final touch! Drunken Rune, let loose! *a rune glowing from her right hand* (A/N: Don't ask me how she got that rune or whether such rune even ever exists. Since she's already too OOC from the start, it wouldn't hurt to go a little more abroad, would it?)

The confused crowd now becomes drunk, with a glass of booze in their hand. Yes, they're already drunk before they even sip their booze. So why there must be booze? Because, this is bar! For the sake of image! *ahem*

Louise sure is having fun. She scans the whole messed up room, stopping at every interesting details. She nods every now and then, proud of her work.

At one spot in the room, there stand Gary, Ema, and three knights. The youngest looking one has dark colored hair, the only female is red haired, and the one standing behind her is one tall and stern-looking brunette. They seem to be enjoying each other's companion, exchanging grand stories.

Gary: ...and that's how we united all the remaining people of Obel!

Ema: Although we have to endure Kooluk for a while, we believe that King Lino will come back.

Isabel: Magnificent! Such bravery in the name of justice!

Rico: *running towards the group* Master Fred! Please wait for me-Waaah! *bumps into Fred and makes his drink spilled―_poured__―_on Isabel*

Fred: Rico, what are you doing!

Mathias: EVILDOERS! Milady, please give me the permission to eliminate this filthy evil and contribute its corpse to the nearest pond-

Louise shakes her head and turns her attention to another group.

There are two red-heads who are brawling, scratching, pulling hair, and poking. It looks like a very fierce fight, if only they are two five year-old cute little girls instead of two lads. Then a brown haired man approaches them.

Mathiu: Stop fighting, you two! How old do you think you are already?

Albert & Caesar: MATHIU! *shock*

Leon: *approaches* Noisy like always. Can't be more useless than this.

Albert & Caesar: LEON! *shock*

Eleanor: Can the two of you stop shouting in my ears?

Albert, Caesar, Mathiu, Leon: ELEANOR! *shock*

Louise leans her head to one side. She never gets those strategists' way of thinking. She observes another group.

Black aura emitting from three scary men who stand around laughing loudly.

Luca: It takes hundreds to kill me, but I killed THOUSANDS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yuber: Hmph, but they actually killed you in the end. I won't make that fatal mistake, I always run away when things get dangerous...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Childerich: Tch, stop boasting your stupid asses! Need me to kill you two right here and now? Of course I'll be sure to make it painful and slow enough for you to admit your inferiority...GEHEHEHEHEHEHE

Permerga: *chase Yuber* Finally found you, Yuber! Come here!

Yuber: *run away* Let's see you trying! I am an expert at running away, HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Permerga: You coward!

Yuber: Whatever! Who runs away for today lives to fight another day!

Louise decides that it'd be best not to be involved any further and continues to scan the whole place. In the corner of the room gather Millich, Vincent, Simone, Augustine, Reinbach, Charlemegne, and Josephine making themselves comfortable on the sofa, admiring each other's beauty. Somewhere near them there's Mio, busy hugging and pulling little Tuta's cheek. At the same time, Luc, Ted, Futch, Sasuke, and Sasarai is teasing, mocking, and fighting one another (most likely provoked by Luc). Watari, Toppo, and Jacques seem to enjoying the silence of their own world; Guillaume is running after Shabon, Alanis, and even Meroon while yelling "Kyaaa! Kyaaaa!"; Lucretia Merces is trying to hide herself from Lucia for some reason; Muto, Gengen, Ridley, and all other kobolds as well as Shiro, Koroku, Kosanji, and all other dogs are barking loudly while chasing Chiepoo, Champo, and Nalkul who are meowing all over the place. Even the golem that Luc summoned earlier is also drunk and start to share bitter story of his life with Mukumuku.

Meanwhile, out of Louise's notice, Trishtan just wakes up from his fainting state because of Egbert's loud voice beside him ("...FILTHY DEVIL GODWINS..."). Trishtan, who was completely unaware of the recent turn of events because he fainted, is unaffected by the Drunken Rune one bit.

Trishtan: Huh? What was I doing laying in here? ...Uh, oh right! I was sick! COUGH COUGH where is Doctor Yu, COUGH COUGH *crawling to Doctor Yu's side* COUGH please COUGH help me, COUGH Doctor... COUGH I need COUGH my medicine COUGH COUGH

Yu: What are you talking about, Trishtan? You're completely healthy, even healthier than most people! Actually, I never did give you any medicine, it has always been flour! Hahahaha...

Trishtan: What! No way! You must be drunk! *finds Louise and the rune glowing in her right hand* So she's behind this...!

Trishtan charges at Louise until Louise falls down and red letters "Stop Chanting" appear in the air above her. Gradually the crowd regains their consciousness and started to panic. Louise's body collides with the sleep-standing Viki when she's trying to get back up, full of anger. That action wakes Viki up in a shock and accidentally teleports all the "guests" back to their respective era and country, well, **hopefully**. There's no way to find out.

Louise: What have you done! You ruined my amusement!

Trishtan: Thanks to you, Doctor Yu can't give me my medicine!

Louise: What medicine? You don't even cough anymore!

Trishtan: ...

Louise: ...

Trishtan: ...! Because of all these infuriating events, I held it back too long! EXTREMECOUGH BLEEDINGCOUGH *faints again*

Louise: ...What-? He's only actually pronouncing all that, he didn't even bleed!

Now that the room returns to its old, spacious self (well, much more spacious than before, it's still crowded what with the 108 people in there), the scars of war are way more obviously shown.

Ted: Nnn? ...What happened? My head hurts...

Lino: Why are we all here...? *gasp* What have happened to Dauntless?

Tov: ...I can't remember anything... I only recall being afraid that this ship would sink due to overweight...

Everyone: ...

On a different era and country...

Kinnison: My head hurts... Was I leaning against the bad tree? I can't remember... Oh well, shall we eat something, Shiro? –WAIT, SHIRO?

Connie: Woof!

THE END

**And that concludes it! Yaay, I really managed to type all that in one night! Thank you for reading this far! I really appreciate it! And, since this is my first, you'd think that I'll be thrilled to get my first review, wouldn't you? Well, I think so, too! So please review if you feel like it, whether you like this fic or not. And thanks once again for reading! Pheew~!**


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